Thursday, May 29, 2008

Redneck Etiquette

Living down here in the greatest state in America, I get a lot of Redneck jokes and e-mails, for some mysterious reason that I am unable to fathom.

And most of them I have heard. But my sister sent some from The Redneck Book of Manners that are new to me, thus they need to be past on:

- It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.

- Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

- A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

- Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of her finger foods.


- Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: 'I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago.'

- Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say 'Monday.' If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.


- Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

- Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

And my favorite:

- When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.

Mr Minority