Monday, June 21, 2004

What Would Martin Do?

If Martin Luther King were to come down from Heaven and were to meet up with Jesse Jackson, what do you think the conversation would be like? Well, I have thought about it and I think it would go something like this:

Scene opens with MLK catching JJ outside some farmhouse in Mississippi:

MLK: Jesse! Jesse Jackson! You come here right now; I have something to talk to you about!
JJ: Reverend King? Is that You?
MLK: Yes, Jesse it is I. (MLK grabs JJ by the ear) Come here behind the woodshed, we are going to have a talk!
JJ: Ouch, Reverend you’re hurting my ear!
MLK: Just wait!
(MLK drags JJ behind the woodshed and picks up a nice big hunk of hickory)
MLK: (whack – Hickory log up side JJ’s head) What the Hell have you been doing since I was assassinated?!?
JJ: Ow! I’ve been helping our people!
MLK: (whack, whack) Helping our people! How have you been helping our people? They are worse off than before I left!!
JJ: Ow, Ow! I’m trying to help them by getting them reparations! And, and, pushing Affirmative Action, and yeh, showing them how the white man is trying to keep them down!!
MLK: Reparations? Reparations for what?
JJ: You know, reparations, from the white companies and the Government that owned our people as slaves. Our people deserve money for what the white man has done to us!
MLK: ARE YOU STUPID or WHAT!!! (whack, whack!!) There is nobody alive who owned slaves anymore, and no one alive who was a slave, so why do they have to pay Black people who weren’t slaves anything? (whack)
MLK: And what is this Affirmative Action thing?
JJ: (eyes crossed rubbing his head) That is the best program, it is where if you are Black, you get special treatment when applying for a job or going to College. I’m a big supporter of Affirmative Action, let the White people suffer; we suffered for a long time.
MLK: Special treatment! We don’t need special treatment (WHACK!!). We want to be treated as equals, no better, no less. Didn’t you learn anything from me? Didn’t you listen when I made my I Have a Dream speech!! All that I wanted was to be treated equal and fairly, and live in harmony with all folks, white, brown, red, yellow, and black, all the same. From I have seen and heard, you have ruined everything I started and stood for. (whack, whack, WHACK!!).
MLK: Also I heard that you had an illegitimate child out of wedlock, you blackmailed white folks into feeling guilty, for money, and padded your pockets with money to help our people. You ought to be ASHAMED!!! (Whack!!!!!JJ flies back 10 ft onto his ass)
MLK: You are a disgrace to your race!! Now pick your lazy butt up off the ground, and go fetch that Prancing Clown with a pompadour Sharpton!! And why you are at it, bring that idiot in a bowtie Farrakhan. They both need a good whoopin’.
(JJ gets up crying, holding his head, and runs off to get Al and Louis)

(MLK looks up towards heaven)

MLK: Hey, Washington, Jefferson, Abe, Teddy, Tommy Payne!! Come on down!! There are a lot of people down here that need a good attitude adjustment, and they need you to show them the light!!

Scene fades as Martin picks up a bigger Hickory log.